Tag Archives: baby

Throwback: Two months old

Dear Atlas,

 

You were such a sweet little guy when you were this little. You couldn’t roll or squirm away from my snuggles and kisses. You just loved staring at me, and I loved staring at you. Your eyes were so big and curious and blue; I could look at them for hours. You just started discovering facial expressions. From a blank stare, your face would transform into the most brilliant smile when I would coo at you. You also discovered the ‘sour’ expression, from which we all got much glee.Your biggest joy was eating, and of course, snuggling. You would sleep in my arms for hours and hours; so content nuzzled up to your mama’s skin. I loved the feeling of you in my arms, pressed against my heart; where you belong.

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Now I look back at these photos and what life was like then, and I remember thinking I couldn’t love him anymore. That he couldn’t get more interesting and exciting and beautiful and wonderful than he was in that moment. And while, yes, my experience at the time was fantastic, and he was definitely perfect- he’s changed so much since then and we’ve grown so much in our relationship.

Back then, even at two months, I was still so unsure of myself as a mother. I felt, partly, like someone had put this doll in my arms and said, “feed him when he cries, change his diaper when it’s dirty, and don’t wake him up if he’s sleeping” – and that was it. I had nothing else to go off of. Oh, sure, I have four little brothers that I grew up helping care for, and yes, I did my fair share of babysitting in my youth, but none of that really prepares you for being the SOLE caregiver for a human life.

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As a big sister, mom and dad were always just a holler away, or maybe at work or the shopping mall- but they were always coming back and I didn’t have any real responsibilities other than to keep my brothers from killing one another while they were in my care. As a babysitter, the parents always came back in a matter of hours; if I was lucky, the kids were in bed the whole time. Worst case scenario I had to feed a baby some food, change one diaper, and plunk it in a crib. Done.

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There were no parents coming to get this little boy. No one to give me a well-detailed schedule telling me when and how to feed him, what time he should go to bed and nap at, how long he should nap for, and if this or that were normal. No one to tell me how to do this.

And even two months in, I was still struggling.

I was drained mentally, emotionally and physically. While, yes, he was a fairly ‘easy’ baby as far as babies go, he was still a baby and I was still recovering from his surprise, two-week-early- arrival.

 

I am not really sure where I’m going with this other than to say that it took me a long time to feel comfortable. To feel confident in what I was doing. Even now, I struggle and I imagine I will struggle forever. Even when my kids are old and have kids of their own; how can you ever really know if what you’re doing is the best for them? It’s so hard! There are so many choices and things that could go wrong. It’s hard not to worry that you’re screwing your kid up royally by putting him to bed at the ‘wrong’ time or feeding him the ‘wrong’ baby-cereal (or cereal at all for that matter)

Now, now, I feel much more like a mama. I feel like I know my baby so much better than I did before- which I suppose only makes sense seeing as how we’ve spent every day for over seven months together… instead of just one or two. But it just seems crazy how much things can change in such a short span of time.

Maybe I’m feeling reminiscent because he looks so big lately; like a toddler more than a baby sometimes. Plus, when he holds his head just right, he looks so much like his daddy that it breaks my heart a little- in the best way possible. And I imagine what he will be like as a man; a good man, just like his daddy. Realizing that that’s actually going to happen one day makes me so freaked out.

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Okay. Well. That was really rambly; I’m sorry. Hope you enjoyed the adorable photos, anyway. 🙂

Happy 7 Months!

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Well, a special little someone turned 7 months old today. Every month that goes by I wonder at all the changes that have happened since he was born. Not only in him physically and mentally, but in me; in us, our family. It’s strange to think that a year ago today I was dealing with morning sickness and the idea of being a parent was still incredibly foreign. Yes, I was very (visibly, by this point) pregnant, but we still could do whatever we wanted at the drop of the hat. I thought marriage was restricting; try having a baby with a schedule and needs. Not that I mind, of course, it’s just such a drastic life change. It’s a change for the good; a step toward our future, our family. Atlas has been such a blessing; helping my heart grow bigger and my patience grow stronger.

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I know, in my head, that there was one point in our lives when Atlas wasn’t here. But when I think about that, it almost just makes me sad. No amount of middle-of-the-night McDonald’s runs, spur-of-the-moment theatre dates, or sleeping in until noon makes me want to go back there. Life is not the same now; it’s better.

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When he smiles up at me with his big, open-mouthed grin, or when he raises a quizzical eyebrow, my heart bursts with love. And when he cries his pitiful, whiney cry, punctuated by squeals and screams, and I can hold him close and comfort him to calmness, my heart bursts. Yes, we have our days where my head feels like it’s going to burst and I just want him to sleep, sleep, sleep. Of course, there are evenings when I am counting down the minutes until he goes to bed so I can relax. But those are small drops in an ocean of moments I have with him; and the overwhelming majority of that ocean is wonderful.

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It’s hard to imagine that one day (hopefully) he will have a little brother or sister, and that our love will extend to encompass him or her, too. And that we’ll love that new little person just as much as we love Atlas. It’s hard to fathom, and sometimes I whisper when putting our baby to sleep, “How could I ever love anyone as much as I love you?” And I honestly do wonder. I’m sure when that day comes (in the distant future, sorry guys) I will understand. But for now, his bright blue eyes and gummy smile are my whole world.

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Giraffe

Giraffe

Knit like your life depends on it! Man, I have been so busy lately. Not with commissions (unfortunately?) but with friends and family who are expecting little ones of their own. So that means baby shower gifts!! Although I realize now, as a mother, that the plethora of stuffed animals is like a suffocating avalanche, I still make and give them to people. I think there’s something especially charming about a custom-made, unique stuffed animal.

Long Day, Late Post

Yesterday was a gong show. It was an organized gong show, or so I thought. Atlas’ six month shots were in the morning, along with his check up, and they went off without a hitch. He cried pitifully at the first needle, but the second he only sputtered and whimpered at. It only took a few minutes to calm him down afterward, and he was a champ for the rest of his doctor’s appointment. Which was fantastic, because I had overlooked the fact that he would likely be grumpy after his needle and had arranged his appointments so that the needle was first and the checkup second. Thankfully, he was very tough and recovered bravely so the check up was a breeze.

Of course, that afternoon proved to be a bit more of a challenge. One of his needles was the flu shot and it ended up throwing him for a loop. He got a slight fever and couldn’t fall asleep. I ended up napping with him for a couple of hours (the only way he would sleep), which of course upset my plans for the day.

That evening I had a hair appointment (this is my biggest news, hah!) and I guess poor hubby had a terrible time while I was away for a few hours. Brady finally managed to pry the top off of a stubborn bottle of formula and Atlas was more-or-less appeased by the time I got home. I did feel terrible, though. Especially since the poor guy was feeling so yucky. In the future I won’t be planning anything in the evening after baby’s flu shot. That is one lesson learned.

I never thought I would be one of those moms who found it so hard to be away from their baby, and for the most part I don’t. I don’t mind leaving him with people I trust, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. But when I get home, oh, that’s when I feel it! I ran in the door and scooped him up and didn’t want to put him down. It’s like I don’t realize how much I miss him until I’m holding him again and can’t stop kissing his adorable face and snuggling his wonderful pudginess. Ah, motherhood!

My hair, though, that is a point of contention for me. I am always wanting to do something different and interesting with my hair, but my poor husband is a stickler for tradition. Bangs, no. Colour, no. Length change, no.  But, for some reason I cannot fathom, he decided to change his mind about the second over the Christmas season. We came home and I, for the hundredth time, mentioned chopping off my hair; there is so much of it, and it’s so long that it takes an eon to do. While, yes, it is simple enough to throw in a pony-tail now that I’m living in yoga pants and showering twice a week, it’s by no means an attractive pony tail. I think with a little length off even a style as simple as a pony could be spruced up a bit. But no, the only point consigned was colour. And while he seemed inclined to encourage me toward blond, I decided to go with red. Red is still a statement, but it’s not so very far from my usual poo-brown as blond. Blond is too far, I think. Baby steps, people.

At any rate I’ve gone from plain poo-brown (as I not-so-affectionately label my natural colour) to a vivid red with a coppery ombre.

Now, I must state that I am not 100% sold on this colour. It came out a bit more purple than I was planning. I like the way that it transitions into the lighter colour at the tip, however. I do think that when I get my roots touched up I’d like to add some highlights or lowlights or something to break up the vividness of the red.

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What do you think? Love it? Hate it?

Pattern Day: Simple slouchy baby beanie

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I love this hat, and I love the way it looks and feels and fits. It is a little large for Atlas right now (the ribbing, as you can see, isn’t very stretched) , but I’m okay with that because he is a growing boy and that means it will fit him for a few months.

I feel that the seed-stitch panel might be a little feminine, but not so much that Atlas can’t rock it 🙂 I might go with a stockinette stitch next time for a boy’s hat. You could also do a cluster of cables on one side.

Anyway, as promised here is the pattern;

Size 3 DPN needles

Size 6 DPN needles

 

(You could knit this on one large round needle, at it’s largest, but the hat is small enough- for a baby- that I found it manageable on DPNs)

Cast on 70 stitches in smaller needles

(Knit one, purl one) ** repeat around; continue ribbing in this way  for 1.5” from cast on edge.

Knit 7, knit 2 together (x 7) (63 sts)

Switch to bigger needles and knit every round until piece measures 5” from cast-on edge (for more slouch, add length)

If you want a panel with a different stitch (The hat pictured has a seed-stitch panel), knit the first 15 stitches of the round in seed stitch, or purl stitch.

Decrease at the end of the hat;

Knit 6, k2tog** repeat around (56)
Knit 1 round
Knit 5, k2tog** repeat around (49)
Knit 1 round
Knit 4, k2tog** repeat around (42)
Knit 1 round
Knit 3, k2tog** repeat around (35)
Knit 1 round
Knit 2, k2tog** repeat around (28)
Knit 1 round
Knit 1, k2tog** repeat around (21)
Knit 1 round
Knit2tog** repeat around (14)
Pull the rest of the yarn through the remaining 14 loops. Secure and weave end in.

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Nostalgic

First purchase for baby Smith! Adorable little knitted sleeper - I figure it could be for a boy OR girl :) #therealcanadiansuperstore #stealofadeal #babysmith #splurge
First purchase for baby Smith! Adorable little knitted sleeper – I figure it could be for a boy OR girl 🙂 #therealcanadiansuperstore #stealofadeal #babysmith #splurge

On March 3rd I posted an Instagram photo of the first item of clothing I ever bought our baby- who was, at that time, only about 15 weeks along in my tummy.

Well, he finally fits it!

I must say, it was a great purchase and he looks adorable in it.

IMG_8406 IMG_8403 IMG_8400 IMG_8388 IMG_8340Sleeper by Joe Fresh

Outfit of the Week: Cambray

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This week Atlas finally fit into his adorable little camo pants. I was pretty stoked because I’ve been looking forward to getting those suckers on him! I also finished the first of what I’m sure will be many accessories for him; a sweet, little baby slouchy hat!

Camo + Chambray = Cambray!

We started with a  Graphic Bodysuit I really liked the colour of the red against the earth-tones of the camo, so I went with it! We got these pants from a second-hand kid’s store, and they’re George brand (Walmart) but here is a Similar Pair from The Children’s Place.  The chambray shirt is from Joe Fresh (Can I just comment on how much I love Joe Fresh fashion?? For baby AND for me.) but it was on sale, and isn’t on their site, so here is a Similar One from H&M.

The hat, obviously, is hand-made. I will post the pattern on Monday!