Well, a special little someone turned 7 months old today. Every month that goes by I wonder at all the changes that have happened since he was born. Not only in him physically and mentally, but in me; in us, our family. It’s strange to think that a year ago today I was dealing with morning sickness and the idea of being a parent was still incredibly foreign. Yes, I was very (visibly, by this point) pregnant, but we still could do whatever we wanted at the drop of the hat. I thought marriage was restricting; try having a baby with a schedule and needs. Not that I mind, of course, it’s just such a drastic life change. It’s a change for the good; a step toward our future, our family. Atlas has been such a blessing; helping my heart grow bigger and my patience grow stronger.
I know, in my head, that there was one point in our lives when Atlas wasn’t here. But when I think about that, it almost just makes me sad. No amount of middle-of-the-night McDonald’s runs, spur-of-the-moment theatre dates, or sleeping in until noon makes me want to go back there. Life is not the same now; it’s better.
When he smiles up at me with his big, open-mouthed grin, or when he raises a quizzical eyebrow, my heart bursts with love. And when he cries his pitiful, whiney cry, punctuated by squeals and screams, and I can hold him close and comfort him to calmness, my heart bursts. Yes, we have our days where my head feels like it’s going to burst and I just want him to sleep, sleep, sleep. Of course, there are evenings when I am counting down the minutes until he goes to bed so I can relax. But those are small drops in an ocean of moments I have with him; and the overwhelming majority of that ocean is wonderful.
It’s hard to imagine that one day (hopefully) he will have a little brother or sister, and that our love will extend to encompass him or her, too. And that we’ll love that new little person just as much as we love Atlas. It’s hard to fathom, and sometimes I whisper when putting our baby to sleep, “How could I ever love anyone as much as I love you?” And I honestly do wonder. I’m sure when that day comes (in the distant future, sorry guys) I will understand. But for now, his bright blue eyes and gummy smile are my whole world.